Monday, November 25, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I wrote this the day I started the blog and somehow forgot to post it....
Well not exactly.... at least not for me. The friends that I seem to have maintained over many years know this about me and have the same mindset. Basically, just because I'm not always around or don't talk to you often... doesn't mean I don't believe every word I say to you. When I say you are important to me and I appreciate you... I mean it even if I'm not physically present to show you that truth of my words.
But lately I have been having a lot of guilt around the extreme to which I haven't been physically present as of late. The thing is I plan my life around work, school, homework, gym, and TRAFFIC. Many of these things may be flexible for me.. they just aren't. They aren't all things I want to be doing either but I feel as though I HAVE to in order to be successful.
All of these HAVE to do things equates way fewer opportunities to CHOOSE to do anything else. As these opportunities to choose shrink, I find it a lot harder to choose to do anything but do nothing. This is where my guilt comes in.... does choosing to do nothing make me selfish and/or a "bad friend"?
The anxiety has been persistent today which is why I have written more extensively than in quite some years. I had become pretty good at finding ways (unhealthy ways in my opinion) to cope with all of this. But rather than avoidance I'm giving confrontation a chance. I don't know that I will always be this successful.. not because the thoughts aren't always swimming but because I'll probably be busy.. you know.. sitting in traffic.
Well not exactly.... at least not for me. The friends that I seem to have maintained over many years know this about me and have the same mindset. Basically, just because I'm not always around or don't talk to you often... doesn't mean I don't believe every word I say to you. When I say you are important to me and I appreciate you... I mean it even if I'm not physically present to show you that truth of my words.
But lately I have been having a lot of guilt around the extreme to which I haven't been physically present as of late. The thing is I plan my life around work, school, homework, gym, and TRAFFIC. Many of these things may be flexible for me.. they just aren't. They aren't all things I want to be doing either but I feel as though I HAVE to in order to be successful.
All of these HAVE to do things equates way fewer opportunities to CHOOSE to do anything else. As these opportunities to choose shrink, I find it a lot harder to choose to do anything but do nothing. This is where my guilt comes in.... does choosing to do nothing make me selfish and/or a "bad friend"?
The anxiety has been persistent today which is why I have written more extensively than in quite some years. I had become pretty good at finding ways (unhealthy ways in my opinion) to cope with all of this. But rather than avoidance I'm giving confrontation a chance. I don't know that I will always be this successful.. not because the thoughts aren't always swimming but because I'll probably be busy.. you know.. sitting in traffic.
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| Like I just said.... |
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