10:30
am:
I wish I could write more. I always want to…
11:30
am:
That is exactly how much I wrote of this
post the first time I sat down before I got distracted. My headphones malfunctioned and the situation
had to be corrected, immediately! Then
while I was attempting to figure out how they were put together I overheard the
marketing department talking about internal communication breakdowns that have
been an ongoing problem but it is just now becoming a blip on the radar of “the
important people”. Before I even made it
to my chair I decided to go talk to my supervisor but her desk was empty
(lucky) but before I made it all the way to my desk I decided to stop and
check-in with a co-worker….who is also overwhelmed with her responsibilities….
Start new paragraph. I say this only to stop myself from listing
out the boring details of everything we talked about that would in turn lead me
to numerous other tangents of stuff we didn’t talk about. So briefly the topics covered included (and
this is going somewhere I promise…even though I didn’t know it when I started
writing):
• A shift in focus for the company including how that shift mirrors the changing conditions of business as a whole,
• Qualities of being a truly good manager and how most are lacking in one way or another, and
• How the shortening of product life cycles in the technology industry and upper management’s slow response time are the reason many company’s in that industry fail
• Lastly and most importantly, the aforementioned response time is caused by their unwillingness to listen to their employees… you know me… the little guy because really that’s what this is all about at the end of the day… how it affects me.
Now we get to the real point. Everyone…no matter what career they chose and
their motivation for choosing it is different...and because of that we will
forever be unsatisfied if we expect anyone (work or life) to think about how
their decision will affect me before they think about how it affects them…
the only difference between me and a CEO is that their decision affect a lot
more people. (Future self: if you are
reading this you probably needed a reminder… this piece of information has
changed your life…professionally AND personally. Don’t fall prey to your own loneliness…while
it can be difficult…it is much easier than creating non-genuine relationships
that do nothing but hurt you.)
Okay.
Let’s try this again. The initial
point of the prior paragraph was an attempt at explaining how quickly the tides
change in my head and this is the reason writing can be difficult to me. But in the end was about something entirely
different. This is life daily…from the
mundane to the extraordinary…everything makes me think of something else… and
then something else. I believe I have
said before that you could describe my intellectual process Bing.com
personified.
I wish that people could understand it…to
see it. The things that I post online or
say out loud are only a very small fraction of what actually runs through my
head…there are so many and they are continually cascading one over the
other. I have made attempts to explain
it but all people see is that I never go out anymore or I am extremely bad at
texting people back or something else I’m not doing to fulfill their definition
of a good friend (aka expectations).
Life has become more complicated lately (in a good way). I am actually having my mental capacity
challenged. Being a grad student,
working full time, being a good boyfriend, being healthy (5am gym session and
meal prep) and… and…and…and it takes all of my focus to somewhat live up to my
own definition of mildly successful at all of these things. (Successful is generous… head above water is
more accurate.)
There is always something I want... or
even need to do that I don’t quite get to…so I have to shift priorities to what
is important to me (again, that’s really
what it’s all about right). For me…in
my life right now it is home, family, career, and education… which leaves
little room for anything else. It is not personal (REMEMBER THIS PART). And for me, if you can’t understand that then
you in turn don’t live up to my definition of a good friend either…so while it
makes me sad…I know I will be okay…and I am confident in my decision to choose
me…to choose what is important TO ME at this point in my life. Healthy
relationship/friendships will adapt to change and circumstance.
As I was saying…that and much much more
are swirling in my head at any given minute.
Then, out of nowhere, it is all too much…there is no way I can possibly
do all of these things…there is now way I can keep up. In the past my reaction has been to just not
do any of it…to not care. I literally
used to live so that my entire life would fit in a car…when it all became too
much I could just leave it all behind...or quit my job…find fun and meaningless
things to do and people to know. I can’t
do it anymore… I just can’t…because that failure is much harder for ME to
handle than going out to a bar which leads to a missed
assignment/deadline/failed test which is an impediment to attaining my goals. (Again,
this is for me…because that is what is important.)
So now that I dropped all that heavy shit
on you… here is the list of things I thought of before 10am this morning:
• This:
• Wow that really is a Ford F150 turned into a Hearst…I definitely live in Texas. I need to remember this name so I can look it up. (For the record I don’t remember the name.)
• In regards to the song Ray Charles by the band Chiddy Bang… if you finished listening to this song and aren’t in a better mood than when you started then you have no soul. Also, these lyrics are super smart but funny.
• New Radicals – Get What You Give: This is my theme song for life right now.
Lastly there is all that feel good crap
that people hate to hear people talk about but secretly agree with:
Making
this “GOOD MOOD GUARANTEED” playlist was the best thing I could have done for
myself (I made it this morning before getting ready for work and after plotting
my next career move). Music is in fact
good for your soul…especially when the list is tailored to be all of the songs
that can put you in a good mood no matter what.
I sometimes believe it is in fact stronger than any drug meant for the
same thing. Everyone should do this.
If you found this randomly or clicked on
it on Facebook…you must have been really bored.
If you’re still reading this you obviously have more of an
attention span than I do….congratulations!
But I have to stop…I must return to my regularly scheduled activities
but I am learning how to occasionally stop… take a minute…an hour…whatever I can
manage…to do the “non-productive” things (like writing this blog) that make me
happy. After all, that’s really what it’s all about anyway…right?
