This morning thing is new and at times is hard but I just have to keep reminding myself of how awesome I feel once we are finished. After working out I got in my car and five minutes in to my drive I found Stevie Nicks on the radio, turned the volume up, and let the cold air roll in through the windows. The sun was bright and it warmed my face along with the heater I had on low to create the perfect symphony of the morning chill on my skin and warmth slowly crawling up my legs.
I find comfort in the strangest things. I think I was born in the city and spent my first ten years here, over the years the sights and the sounds of the city became home to me. Then my mom decided to move my brother and I away from every family member we had ever known to a rural town in Missouri, population 850, my graduating class had 32 people in it. Sunrises and sunsets across fields and over lakes were a part of my everyday, sometimes happening in my "backyard". Living in the beautiful countryside where many dream of living. I HATED IT.
At night it was so quiet and dark, I found it hard to sleep without the familiar sounds of street traffic and sirens or the glow of the closest street light. The town itself was still trapped in a strange time warp, most kids had 2 parents (BOTH were biological) and they were related to at least 5 other people in the school. Crime was nonexistent, kids couldn't even skip school because SOMEONE would inevitably see you and then mention it in passing to your family. That's just how it was... small town life... except for me.
I have always known I was NOT small town. I began to realize I "wasn't like everyone else" when I was 15 or so but I couldn't tell you why. I can't say that I really even know in retrospect, there are so many things I do know about me as an adult that it's hard to say it was just one thing. I mean there was the fact that I came from another state, I was not biologically related to ANYONE in that area, we were extremely poor, and my step-father was an alcoholic and EVERYONE knew it. But of course no one dares to speak of such things or actually intervene. So rather than try to be something I wasn't (the product of a perfect life with money and no cares in the world), I took every opportunity to distinguish myself as not like anyone else but myself. I was apparently destined to push the boundaries of society.
So there I was at 7 a.m., allowing myself to remember those days and how hard my life was in more ways than one. I climbed on the hood of my car... watched the sun rise over the buildings... the sunlight filling the parking structure... giving the concrete an orange glow. I let myself breathe and appreciate not only being in the place I always felt at home but more importantly having found a home in myself. It has been a challenging, thrilling, heartbreaking, crazy, beautiful adventure.
I can't wait to see what comes next.....
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