A Love I Will Never Regret Giving

This past weekend E and I took a very short road trip (approximately 3 hours), went to see her favorite band in concert, stayed the night, and then got up the next day to drive home.  That trip, however short in time and distance, allowed me a second to press pause on the stress and anxiety I have felt lately.  Even upon our return home we lingered in that state, forgetting the responsibilities of being a real adult.  We laid on the couch together, watched a movie, and the only thing on my mind was how happy I was to be doing absolutely nothing but laying next to her.

Of course, now it is Monday and it's back to real life.  Unfortunately, reality includes doing things you don't really want to spend time doing in order to be able to do all of the things you REALLY want to do.  Only a chosen few are lucky enough to pursue their passion, enjoying their career AND making money doing so.  But the point is, I woke up to a note from E.

It's not some sweet love note but instructions on what needs to be done when picking up the dogs from boarding today (so that we could take our road trip).  And then, I smiled like it was a sweet love note.  So of course, I started thinking.

Thinking about how lucky I am to have someone that I get to share this kind of life with.  This isn't some fairytale, life isn't a fairytale.  Eventually we are all adults, and we all have to deal with real adult stuff.  From paying bills, going to work, going to the grocery store, and picking up the dogs from boarding....we all have to do things that aren't the highlight of our day...things that we would rather not have to do.  But with E, I get to spend the rest of my life not doing those things alone and that makes doing those not fun things seem not so bad.

I am a lover.  I have loved before.  All of those relationships lacked something that I needed at that time or that the other person needed.  I have even been in a relationship where I actually believed it would last a lifetime.  But it didn't, because they did not want that...we wanted different things and were and different points in our life... and that is okay because every relationship has led me to be exactly the right person for this exact moment in my life and to be the best possible partner to exactly who I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  E is all the things I have wanted in a partner on paper, she loves me as deeply as I love her, and she wants exactly what I want for our life together.

That last piece, that's the hardest part.  That part is more commonly known as "timing is a bitch".  Here's where it gets even harder.  This person is the one you have been waiting for, but the truth is nothing is perfect.  There will be disagreements.  There will be hard times.  And that looks different for everyone but you should be used to that by now, in case you haven't noticed some individuals have it harder than others.  But what makes it real true love... what makes it a real life fairytale... is that both people love each other enough to not walk away.  No matter what life throws at them, they love each other enough to endure the bad times, and come out on the other side stronger for having been through it.  And that's what I have with E, not only do I know I love her in this way, but I believe she loves me in that very same way.

Our hard times are not really all that hard.  Actually, I think the most difficult thing is my lack of time.  Making it through grad school while working full-time AND maintaining a relationship has proven more difficult than expected.  I know that I can't always give as much of my time and attention as either of us would like but I try my best and we both know grad school will end.  And so until that time we take three hour road trips to forget those struggles for as long as possible, re-charge emotionally, and return to the fight.

I will end on this.  There are always skeptics.  Those who will say noone knows the future and therefore I cannot say with 100% certainty that she and I will be together until the end of our days.  Some are such skeptics that they tell me I will regret the decisions I have made.  And this is very true.  I cannot make that claim, but what I can say is this...right now I can say with certainty that I love her so much so that right now I intend to overcome any obstacle we may face and I intend to be by her side until my last breath.  I can also say with certainty I believe, right now, her love equals mine and her intent is the same as mine as well.  And even if this proves to be untrue in the end, being able to live a life with those beliefs for as long as I possibly can is a kind of peace that I will never regret.